Into the Fallout

Have you ever been around someone that died unexpectedly? People have questions. They want to know details. What happened, in what order, what you did in response, why did you respond in that way, and on and on. Everything you did is double and triple checked. People who weren't there and may not understand the situation you were in have opinions about what you did or should have done. I've often heard that hindsight is 20/20. The reaction of some people to what happened around that cabin last summer proves that to be true. Worse yet is that some people seem to be of the impression that I should somehow have had access to this hindsight at the time and saved everyone. Most of the people with this opinion have been parents.

I was in charge, they like to remind me, shouldn't I have done more? How dare I let their child be killed? Why didn't I figure it out sooner? How did I not magically walk into the cabin and know that someone had found a buried spaceship and accidentally activated the defense mechanism? All the questions that haunt my head are spat at me by strangers. Somehow, in not succeeding more, I became the villain to some.

I try to understand them. They're in pain and need someone to blame. Subconsciously or not, they decided that I was in with the Na'Dar. By my own admission I recognized the ship, knew where to go, and could read the language to some degree. When there was the meeting with the delegates from the Na'Dar embassy, I was recognized and greeted by a Na'Dar gentleman I'd previously met through the college. To someone who's never met a Na'Dar before, perhaps never seen a Na'Dar in person, this must have seemed suspicious.

I can see why these people might have reacted the way they did. That doesn't mean it hurts any less; it just means I can see where they might be coming from.

Yelling

The 'bear' shambled onto the bridge, eyeing us oddly. “This didn't occur to you?” Tina demanded.

“I was busy being excited about the ship. I can't think of everything!” I protested. “If you hadn't kept bothering me, I might have managed to shut it off by now!”

“Is that what you're doing over there?” Dave asked.

“Yes!”

“You can read that?” Tina questioned.

“A little!”

“Why are you yelling?” Dave checked.

“Because I can't concentrate on remembering anything! Slow it down! Give me a moment!” Dave made a noise of derision to respond to my request but I trusted in his ability to defend himself now that he was prepared. I'm not sure why I thought he could do this without getting hurt. I assume our work history led me to that conclusion. Either that or I needed to trust him to do this in order to do what I needed to do so I did. I stared at the console and tried to relax my brain a little, which was not easy.

You're having a conversation with your friends and you start talking about a specific movie. You all enjoyed the movie, talk about it with joy, and mention the lead actress that 'wow'ed you all. None of you can remember her name. It frustrates you particularly because you just saw it and you really should remember it. You work to remember it, you fight to remember it, and the more you push towards it, the further away you feel from remembering. You know that if you stop thinking about the lady's name, it'll come to you. Five minutes later, talking about something else, the name pops into your head, you say it, and everyone relaxes in agreement, glad to have this resolved.

Once I started thinking about not thinking about it, I did my best to continue thinking about not thinking about it so that I wouldn't think about what I was trying to not think about. Thankfully this managed to help. The word for 'defense' suddenly popped into my brain, the fact that the color blue is their 'stop' was suddenly there, I heard a yell from behind me, and I clicked stop.

I turned to see what had been accomplished. The 'bear' froze, flickered, and faded. Left behind was a flying device, about a foot tall, looking a bit like a gray pot wearing an over-sized drum cymbal. A set of claws on an extended arm folded back into the lower 'pot' section, disappearing seamlessly back into the whole. Calmly the device lowered to the floor and the lights under the 'cymbal' went out.

Dave remained frozen in his defensive position for a moment, evidently concerned that the danger was not yet over. Slowly he stood up straight again, keeping his left arm elevated due to the bleeding claw marks damaging it. “Did you shut it off?” he asked.

“I think so.”

Dave scowled. “I'd really feel more comfortable with an answer that was more assured.”

“Sorry. Haven't had a reason to brush up on my Na'Dar recently. I have every reason to believe its shut down.”

Dave nodded. “Good.” Savagely he kicked the defensive mechanism, sending it skittering across the floor and making him hop up and down on the foot he hadn't used to kick it. Once the device stopped moving from the kick, it lit back up and began to rise from the ground. Quickly I hit the button to shut it off again, returning it to the ground. “I thought you said you shut it off!” Dave snapped.

“It's a defensive mechanism. You attacked it and restarted its systems,” I informed. Dave just grunted in reply.

Tina emerged from behind a console, walking directly to Dave. “You okay?” she checked. He grunted in reply and nodded. “Thank you. I totally froze up and you tossed me out of the way. I didn't expect that.”

“That you'd freeze up or that I'd help you,” Dave questioned.

“Both, mostly me freezing up. Not that I didn't think you'd be helpful, just having it happen...” Tina paused. “Thank you.”

Dave just grunted in reply.