Talking Myself Into Trouble. Or Out Of It.

“Greetings Patrick.” The light changed from being directed straight into my eyes to illuminating the metal lined room that we are in. Eric is seated in a chair that's positioned in a way so that he'll be above me. No doubt this is an attempt at mind games as it puts him a position 'superior' to me as well as de-emphasizing his lack of height. He looks exactly how I remember him looking in school. Either he kept well or the lighting is working to his advantage. “Now that the pleasantries have been dealt with, let's address the LIES you told in that house.”

“Are you off your medication again?” I wasn't trying to mock those with chemical imbalances who need help in order to function; this was me asking him an honest question because he's just not right.

“This is not about me...” Eric began.

I quickly interrupted. “It's always about you.”

“Silence!” He was not happy. “As I said, this is about the lies you spoke earlier.”

I sighed. “I was not lying. Heather is dead.”

“Not!” He had a brief tantrum, bashing his fists into the arms of the chair. “Not! Not! Not!” It made me recall a theory I'd once pondered over, that people who attempt world domination needed to be hugged more often as children. I wonder how many masterminds could be stopped with a little polite affection. I'm not saying that the next time Colonel Freedom faces off against the forces of Des CLAMP that he should try hugs instead of fighting them because that would be weird. If it works then I suppose it's not a bad idea though.

“Hey!” Eric's yelling roused me from my thoughts. “We have things to discuss here!”

“You're the one that gassed me asleep in the middle of the night,” I noted. “Not my fault if I doze a bit.”

“Focus!” he demanded. “Your lies!”

“Not a lie sadly.”

“Impossible! My love cannot be dead.”

“Eric, I never understood what she did to get you started. Maybe she said 'hello' to you one day or whatever but I'm pretty sure she didn't love you.”

“She did! She was waiting for me to prove myself before she would allow herself to express her affections.” The fact that he still believed this made my head hurt. It was this simple-mindedness that ended our friendship as he decided that the best way to prove himself to my, at the time, fiancée was to concoct complicated plans to humiliate me. Clearly he couldn't trust my inbuilt talent for making myself look stupid to accomplish this; he needed to be able to go 'Aha! Got you!' at the end of it for Heather to see the error of her ways and fall into his arms.

Tired and frustrated with his stupidity, I started snapping at him. “Oh, so she was just biding her time with that chiropractor until you could make me look stupid enough, huh?”

“Clearly.”

“Did you ever, I don't know, do anything to let her know that you were still working on this project?”

He sat up straight, pulling himself to his full height, trying to look Very Serious Indeed. “I sent the occasional token of my affections.”

“Unsigned of course. She'd just know they were from you.”

“Of course.”

“So you had their address?” I checked.

“Of course.”

“And they're gone now. Have been for some years now.” Eric agreed with my assessment of the situation. “Where is she now?”

“That I don't know.”

“Why not Eric? If she loves you so, why hasn't she updated you with her new location?”

Once again he got Very Serious. “It's a test of my love. She's a Hunter now; she's busy.”

“Oh, you know about that. Couldn't you hack deep enough into their computers to get her location?”

“Well, no. Not exactly. Her file has some encryption on it that I can't crack.”

“Why do you think that is Eric?”

He hesitated. “She's on special assignment. Clearly.”

“She may have been but she's not anymore. She's dead Eric, honestly.”

Eric grew upset again. “My love cannot die! She and I will be together! Forever!”

Verbally I swung hard, knowing that the words I was about to say were going to hurt me as well. “If she was so fascinated with you Eric then why didn't she cheat on me with you?” Eric began stammering, working to express his lack of worthiness again. I pushed. “No Eric, she didn't run to you to protect her from my stupidity. She went and fooled around with Martyn. Did she come to you when she tired of him?” He stammered again but I answered my own question. “No! After she left me, did you ever, ever see her again? Where she acknowledged your presence? Or went looking for you? In any way apart from you spying on her?”

There was a pause that lasted forever. Quietly he noted “No.”

“Is it at all possible that she didn't come to you because she didn't love you?”

He just stared at me. “I will find her.”

“Dear heaven I hope not,” I muttered. Then the gas kicked in again and I was back to sleepytime.


I awoke back in my car. In the haze of returning to consciousness, I did briefly panic that I'd dreamed the experience with Eric. Thankfully my awakening brain quickly found evidence to support the fact that the meeting had not been a dream. I was pulled over to the side of the road and not at the stop sign as when I had passed out earlier. The car was also shut off instead of running. The car was cold but I wasn't, which seemed to hint that I'd just been put back into the car.

I started the car to let it warm up as I shook off the cobwebs. Eric could have dropped me off closer to home. Where were we anyway?

I made it home safe and, at that point, that was what was important to me. Sure I got home four hours later than I expected and I was still dog tired but I was home safe. Unsurprisingly not much happened on Sunday. Lots of resting.

Weird weekend.

Of Course It Can Get Worse

I was shaking. I'm not often mad but when I do get that upset it is an impressive thing. Adrenaline was coursing through me and I had to fight to calm myself. Our...discussion was apparently loud enough to be heard over the music and other conversation in the house as I was suddenly no longer alone. As the red mist faded from my eyes, the first thing I noticed seeing again was Scott and Natalie. “Sorry about that.” I fought out a smile. “I think I ruined your party. I'll go in a moment once I calm down a little more.”

“Go?” Scott questioned. “Dude, you just got here. What the hell happened?” I got as far as “Karen and I...” in my explanation before Scott interjected. “Ah geez. I knew we shouldn'ta invited her along. If we hadn't, she'da found out about the party and complained so there was no way to win. She still got a bug up her butt?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Well, she's got a lot of room in that fat tail of hers for a whole hive a'something. She still giving you a hard time about Heather?”

I hunched over the table as the adrenaline faded and the weariness followed. Natalie brought me another beer and it became my new focal point. “Oh yeah.”

“That was years ago. Everyone else got over it, well, almost everyone else anyway, why can't she? Shoulda asked you before; you know where Heather is now? Tried to get ahold of her for this thing but the letter I sent to her address got returned.”

“She's dead.”

A few choice words slid from Scott in shock. “Really?” I confirmed that I was being serious. Scott swore a bit more. “How did we not find out before?”

“They were living in another state at the time. I didn't find out until well after the fact. The circumstances surrounding it were odd. All sorts of reasons.”

“Odd?” Scott repeated. “She sick or something?”

I considered that for a moment. “That too, yeah.”

“Well if that's the case, we should salute proper.” He got up to collect a bottle of whiskey and a couple of shot glasses. Once filled, he raised his glass. “To better times.”

I followed suit, adding “To absent friends.” And we drank.


For awhile, the passage of time quickly blurred, we sat there and talked. Others joined us at the table for a time, sharing in the stories, before leaving us again. Scott and I sat there, chatting, reminiscing, laughing, and drinking a bit. While the party had started roughly for me, the bulk of it was a very enjoyable experience.

There's something very sad about friends that don't see each other often separately. Everyone promises to stay in touch more or agrees to 'do this again real soon' and everyone means it but knows that day-to-day busy will prevent it from happening any more than it already has in the past. We are friends and still love each other, well most of us anyway, but our lives are just far enough apart now that we don't get to see each other regularly. There were hugs, there were handshakes, there were some kisses, and then there was leaving.

By the time I got back to my car it was past one in the morning. I was tired. It was cold but the rain had ceased. I'd stopped drinking some time ago so the effect of the alcohol had long since faded. I pulled away from the house and drove down the street. At the first stop sign I reached, everything went black.

Went I woke, I was still tired. My mouth tasted funny but familiar. I'd been gassed. I was held in place in my chair by metal clamps around my wrists and ankles. Having taking stock of my situation I was forced to wonder which villain had hosted the garage sale. It was a very 60s chair. Nice on the nostalgia but otherwise very dated. Who would do this to me?

“Ah! The reunion is not over for this evening!”

I'd missed the obvious. Apart from Heather, who as noted had good reason to not show, there was but one friend that hadn't appeared: my self proclaimed arch-enemy. “Hi Eric.”

Now Where Was I Again? Oh Yes, Hell.

Part of the failure is clearly my fault. After leaving Natalie's presence, the group I wandered over to join held Karen. “Still alone?” was her greeting to me. “Imagine that.” I had headed right over to Heather's best friend. Apparently she is still of the opinion that I'm an idiot. Fair enough. I ignored her jibe and tried to continue with the conversation that she had interrupted in order to 'greet' me. It was something about a new restaurant or something innocent enough like that. I forget what it was exactly because Karen would not leave me alone.

Dirty looks, snide comments, pointless petty disagreements, and other assorted high school level bitchery continued to come from her. In retrospect, I should have just wandered off to talk with another group but I didn't. I was comfy in the recliner and didn't want to let her think she'd beaten me somehow. I remained and the group became more and more uncomfortable around us to the point where it was just us two speaking. Karen's husband, Joe I think, tried to take her away a couple times but she wouldn't go either.

I don't think Karen has ever really liked me. We've fought verbally before so it really shouldn't have been a surprise to me that we would again. Karen is one of the friends that Heather made once we were in college and had already been dating for awhile. After Heather and I broke up, I heard about a number of things that Karen had supposedly said about me. I thought I'd let all that go years ago. Being in her presence brought all my old reactions to her back again.

Karen's argument kept returning to a common theme so I finally just aired it. “According to you, everything bad that happened to Heather was my fault.”

“You held her back! Everything always had to be your way. You never let her breathe or explore herself or find out what she really wanted from life!” For the record, I dispute Karen's comments here, despite not directly dealing with them at the time.

“Apparently what she wanted in life was a chiropractor. Or was that my fault for not being a chiropractor? Or not wanting to be a chiropractor? I don't recall us ever having a conversation where she said she wanted to me to be a chiropractor and I said no.” Clearly not the most dramatic of points but I felt like I'd accomplished something at the time.

“Aha!” This response confused me. “You admit it! Jealous of the chiropractor!”

This confused me further. “I don't remember saying that.”

“Then why did you arrange for those vampires to visit them? Hmm?” I felt the blood drain from my face. I may not have known what to expect from the evening but being accused of plotting a hit on my former girlfriend's family was definitely not on the list. My jaw may even have dangled a bit.

Karen's husband expressed his confusion. “How we he do that? It's not like you can look up 'vampires' in the phone book.”

Karen remained smug. “Patrick knows all sorts of weird people, don't you Patrick?”

I had a hard time expressing myself. “I know we didn't get along but that you'd think I'd do something like that...” I choked off again. “They had a kid. What would I have against a kid I never met?”

“I didn't say you meant for them to be hurt,” Karen backpedaled. “Just scare them a little. That sounds like something you'd do.” To a degree, she has a point. I don't mind the occasional 'surprise' type practical joke. What she was suggesting didn't sound like a joke; it sounded like some sort of petty revenge. You play jokes on people that are your friends, people you see on some sort of regular basis, not people you haven't communicated with in years and left on hard feelings. Sending vampires across state lines to 'scare' someone does not sound like a solid way to reestablish a friendship, even to someone with my limited mental capabilities and history of stupid decisions.

I stood up, dismissing myself. “This is what you've thought of me all this time? That, even accidentally, I would do something like that?”

I began to walk away as Karen sputtered and tried to defend herself or attack me further, I don't know. I was so mad that for a moment I couldn't hear. Evidently someone asked her for more details on the situation we had been discussing because when my hearing came back, I heard Karen again. “Her family was killed by vampires and Heather's been missing ever since.”

I should have let this go. Our argument had already disrupted the evening. There was nothing really inaccurate in what she'd said. However I was not thinking very clearly at that point. Her accusation had revived a number of painful memories and I was mad because of it. Instead of letting it go, I lashed back, stopping in the doorway to the kitchen and turning to face her. “She's not missing. My 'weird friends' told me what happened. She joined up with an anti-vampire group and died in the line of duty.” I was able to restrain myself to that. They didn't need any further details. I gave Karen a very Hard Stare. “Happy now? Happy to hear what you've really accused me of? That I'd just casually request the destruction of her family like that?” I stomped off into the kitchen.

Nothing Better Than People Helping

I don't want to derail you from my reflections on last weekend but I wanted to mention something from today as it fits into the 'just my luck' category that, in general, we're discussing anyway.

Break started today and I had looked forward to sleeping in and just resting. Last night it snowed this nasty heavy wet snow. Instead of resting, I woke up at my normal time and started the clean-up process. The streets and alley by the house had all been plowed and had stayed clean after the snow ended. I've got a newish snow blower and it did a tolerable job of dealing with the mess. It knocked enough of it away so that I didn't have to shovel all that much, apart from by the garage in the alley because there's no good way to throw big wet boulders of snow left by the plow. Once that was cleaned up, I got the blower in the back seat of my car and headed for my parents house as I didn't want my Dad to have to clear their long driveway by himself.

My parents live on the other side of town and there's no quick way to get there. It's not the longest trip in the world but the half-hour or so on a good day is enough to keep me from running over there more than once a month. With the city 'assaulted' by snow, traffic was much worse and it took almost an hour to get there. I was tired from my own clean-up, annoyed by traffic, and then slid around their semi-plowed subdivision to their house where I saw their driveway was nice and clean, apart from my brother's car.

I hadn't expected this. His family lives just far enough away where I'm considered the close one and take on tasks like heavy snow removal because it's just not practical for him to come running all the time. For a moment I considered turning around and just going home, but I went in and said hi, even though we'll all see each other this weekend. Turns out he'd just got a new snow blower and wanted to 'play' with it a bit more. No big deal really but I wish they'd have thought to call me so, at least, I didn't have to lug my snow blower across town.

Oh well. Back to the story in progress.

Of Course It Got Complicated

Apologies for the delay in posting, especially as I'm sure you were all keen to find out what happened with my little reunion this past weekend. As things will, things got a little... complicated that night and I felt it best to sort through my thoughts and memories before committing them to print in a horribly incomplete or inaccurate manner. I'm sure there's still something I don't recall properly or a conversation I've yet to grasp the point of but, well, that's life isn't it? Sometimes we don't understand things that happen to us, sometimes we forget important lessons that life teaches us, and sometimes larger events blot out life's little details.

Now, with the 'disclaimer' in place, Saturday evening.

Getting to Scott's house was no fun at all. The weather didn't cooperate, drizzling this fine mist over the area. Due to the downwards direction of the temperature, this fine mist wanted desperately to freeze but somehow never quite managed it. As the roads did become slippery because of the precipitation, the traffic became messier and messier. The driving conditions weren't awful but some caution was called for in order to proceed safely. As per usual this meant that some drivers crept along at a snail's pace while others flew along as if it were bright and sunny out. Once I found the pace I was comfortable with, I'd get stuck behind a slower car and, before I could safely get around them, a speed demon would hang onto my bumper. Over and over again this situation occurred. I hate that.

Now grouchy but safe, I made it to the suburb where Scott and his family live. I'm familiar with the area in general and expected no issues locating his street or house; that is until I was unable to identify any of my landmarks in the dark. Holiday lights obscured address markers. I drove up and down one street three times until I realized that I'd turned right when I should have turned left and really needed to be on the other side of the nearby major street in order to be in the correct part of the subdivision.

According to my own plan, I was now late. There was no real start time to the gathering, no arrive by such-and-such a time so we can eat dinner or anything like that. I was only late in my own head but, coupled with my frustration over the weather and the drive, it mattered. I took a moment in the car to relax before heading inside.

Scott's wife met me at the door. We'd not previously met but both of us have pictures available to see online so we were able to recognize each other. Natalie is an attractive little blond lady. While I didn't vocalize the thought, I was amused that my big buddy Scott, both tall and burly, should get hitched to this little lady, both petite and diminutive.

A downside to being late to a party is that everyone else is already there. Natalie politely took me around to the rest of the gang to say hi and introduce me to their significant others. I was the only one there by myself. Not for the last time that night I wished Sarah Jean was in town this weekend. I was assaulted by names during this process. I do not retain names well. This did nothing to relax me, quite the opposite actually.

Even while unaware of the nerves running through me, Natalie did her best to make me comfortable. She got me a beer, made sure it was a brand I liked, and fussed over me a bit. I got the impression over the course of the evening that this is just her nature. She's a very sweet lady. I reassured her I'd be fine and tossed myself into the pool of my old friends.

Reflecting back upon my thought processes while planning to go, I'm unable to really identify my expectations for the evening. These are people that I used to have fun with years ago. I guess I expected that there might be some trouble do to the way that we left each other's company but we would still have a good time together. A little catching up, a little polite lack of comfortability that would fade after a few minutes of reminiscing, right?

Yeah, not so much.