Our Tale of Woe Begins

Cast your mind back, to a long past time. There's a different President. No one had heard of the band Maxi Starr so it was also a better time. We all thought that the Verdant 'Venger was dead. And a man for that matter. I am in college.

I have hair to my collar. My sideburns are super bushy and are connected by a thin beard. I am super skinny, just a shade above skeletal. I have a dozen t-shirts, which I cycle through in order, wearing them until either I can't stand them anymore or, more often, my girlfriend gets sick of them and washes them for me. I am a sophomore. I am lazy. I am an idiot.

Freshman year both wore me out and made me 'smart'. I felt I'd figured out how to schedule my classes so that I could get my work done and still have plenty of free time. This free time left me comfortable and lead me to figure out what I could get away with skipping. In this I had the help of my good friends Scott and Mike. I watched movies, played video games, drank tons of soda, and spent time with Heather. Schoolwork was secondary. I was having a great time mortgaging my future. All was well.

Except for Eric.

You might remember Eric. Excitable fellow. Grand plans for himself. Freshman year we were buddied. He was crazy but I've never minded some crazy in and of itself. Goodness knows I'm not exactly normal by most people's definition. Sophomore year he freaked out on us. His initial argument was that our more casual attitude towards our schoolwork did not fit in with his plans for the future. This soon twisted and mutated into a quest to show my girlfriend that I was no longer worthy of her and that she should leave me behind for a more suitable companion, namely, himself. He embarked on a campaign to humiliate me, somehow figuring she'd be impressed with how clever he was instead of viewing him as some childish idiot, which she did. Considering I was already impressively idiotic at this point and she was still with me, I don't know what he thought would be enough to accomplish his goal.

Still, he tried. Boy did he try.