This Probably Didn't Help

Sarah Jean sighed. “I don't know why you're telling me all this.”

“I have to tell someone,” I insisted. “If I tell Mike that I passed on an opportunity like this he may hurt me. Honestly! It's happened before.” Quickly I added “For much less.”

This did nothing to buoy Sarah Jean's mood. “Okay, yeah, so it's not like you'd be able to keep it from me so you might as well just own up to it but that still doesn't mean I want to hear about it.”

I grew confused. “I thought you didn't want any secrets.”

“I know what I said,” Sarah Jean snapped. She took a breath and calmly continued. “That doesn't mean it's pleasant to hear about it, especially with all the extra detail I get in here.” I apologized. This didn't help. “Some of it is that you just like feeling guilty. Telling me is punishment for you breaking one of your personal guidelines. The only person I know more uptight than you is Ian.” She grumbled further. “He needs to just express himself to Barbara already.”

“Would you be happier if I had gone all the way with her and not felt guilty about it?” I demanded.

Sarah Jean narrowed her eyes at me. “Who says 'all the way' anymore?”

“I do apparently. Would 'make love' be any better?”

“No.” She did giggle briefly.

“How about 'make whoopie'?”

A laugh escaped her. “What?” I repeated it, making her laugh further. “Really? That's a word?”

“You've never heard it before?” She shook her head. “It's an older game show euphemism for fooling around.”

After her laughter subsided, Sarah Jean just observed me, her irritation visibly reduced. “You are so uptight but I suppose that's okay.” In response to my confusion, she explained. “Almost every time we meet in your head we're in a restaurant, somewhere open and public. Almost every story you have about a woman has some guilt in it when you tell it. Now, through this whole conversation, you haven't actually said the word 'sex', just walked around saying it. You can't say it, can you?”

“I think I can say any word I can pronounce,” I retorted, somewhat miffed. “I control our location?”

She leaned on the table and smiled. “We're in your head so you have some control over our location and don't change the subject.”

“I'm not,” I protested, “I'm just trying to understand...”

Sarah Jean interrupted. “Say it.” I gave her a look of confusion but she didn't buy it. “You know what I mean. You can do it.”

“I can say it; I don't know about doing it.” I cleared my throat dramatically. “Sex. There, are you happy?”

She giggled and ooohed. Playfully she noted “It sent a chill up and down my spine.”

I joined in. “It can't be that easy.”

“It isn't and neither am I.”

“So I noticed.” Now that the mood had lightened, I informed “They want to have dinner with us.”

“Seriously?” she questioned. I nodded. “Why would they think I would want to eat with the woman that tried to seduce my 'boyfriend'?”

“Well, when not trying to molest me or allow me to be molested, they are quite sweet and fond of me. I suspect they want to check you over and make sure you're good enough for me.”

Sarah Jean scoffed at this concept. “More likely that the husband just wants to look me over and suggest some sort of kinky trade.”

I coughed. “That thought had crossed my mind. Still, it should be a nice meal.” She just looked at me. “We'll put it down as a maybe then.”