Making the Call

How long does it take to find the gentleman? I understand it's a large house but the butler has been gone for five minutes now. Who has a house phone these days anyway? I'm surprised they didn't provide their mobcom numbers. I understand they like an older style but they aren't that old where they wouldn't have mobile communication devices out of unfamiliarity with the devices. If they are such busy people, you think they'd be glued to them. Maybe that's the problem, maybe Dr. Castillo is on his mobcom and isn't free to talk on the landline. Then why hasn't the butler just said so? He could just call me back. There isn't even boring music loops to listen to, just silence, tedious, tedious silence.

Except when there's the sound of footsteps and the clunking of a receiver being picked up. “Hello?” I ask, hoping for a voice, any voice, to make this process progress.

“Ah, Patrick my sweet.” Did I say 'any voice'? I didn't, didn't I? Well that was stupid. I should have hoped for any voice bar Ms. Romero. That would have been a better choice. “How are you this morning?”

“I'm, ah, well this morning.” I tried not to stammer but failed. “How are you?”

“I am excellent. Actually,” she paused to stretch, “I just woke up a few moments ago so I am still in bed.”

Must be nice. It's already after ten. Now, at this point the best thing for me to have said would have been nothing. Second best might have been to ask about her husband as I had hoped to pick up the check from him. I would feel more comfortable collecting the check from him.

Did I select either of these vocal options? Of course not. I was nervous and still not quite over the surprise of hearing her voice. I stuck with my traditional response while under similar circumstances. I began to babble.

“Still wrapped up in a nice warm bed?” I echoed. “Good choice on a miserably cold day like today.” This is the point when I became completely stupid. “I wish I was still wrapped up in bed.”

She purred. “There is plenty of room for you here.” Her voice found a way to become more sultry. “It would be much warmer with you here Patrick. You would be toasty rather quickly. I'm still naked.”

I nearly dropped the phone. This was not helping. Apparently I responded to her in some way, a grunt or a whimper, as she continued. “That's right Patrick: I sleep naked. Summer or winter, it makes no difference. There's just no point in having a garment get between your body and silk sheets, don't you think?”

“I, um, the purpose of my call was to set up an appointment to pick up your donation to the school.”

“That sounds like excellent timing to me,” she answered. “Stop by now and you can get what you are looking for.”

“Er...” Intelligent response that 'er...'. “I'm afraid I'm at work at the moment.”

“Would not collecting our donation be considered school business?” Unfortunately that was a good answer. “I promise that it won't feel like work.”

“I, I, I wouldn't want to bother you so early in your day. I'm sure you would want to wash up...”

“You can scrub my back.”

“...put on your face...”

“I don't really wear makeup.”

“...have breakfast...” At which point our conversation completely broke down. She didn't even bother with single entendres. Starting with her description of breakfast, which involved a type of 'sausage' not normally served at the table, she began to weave a tale of debauchery, describing what certain parts of her physiognomy looked like, felt like, as well as which parts of my person they would best match up with and how this arrangement would benefit the both of us. To summarize her story, she made a very good case for me to run over to her house.

I didn't know how to respond. I mean, she had delineated a very specific course of action for me to take but, apart from actually following her idea, I didn't know what to do. “Thank you” just didn't seem like the appropriate way to respond to a story as filthy as hers had been. Intelligently I gurgled into the phone.

There was the sound of fumbling, the sound that accompanies the collecting of a receiver from a table or desk. “Ah, Patrick my friend,” declared Dr. Castillo. “How are you on this chilly day?”

“Surprisingly warm,” I responded before really considering it. “Yourself?”

“I am very well, thank you for asking.” He inhaled deeply. “Very productive start to the day, many things accomplished on both business and personal levels.” I swear I heard him wink at this point. “Now then you were calling in regards to the donation, yes?” I confirmed this was the case. “You need not have waited on my availability my friend. I believe my wife was free to speak to you. Between the two of you I am sure you could have scheduled something.”

I coughed, momentarily unable to speak. After apologizing, I noted “I was of the understanding that I was collecting the check from you sir.”

“It is hardly necessary for me to be here. You can come by most any time available to you. Now if it is convenient. I do much of my work from home but you would not be disturbing me.”

“I was hoping to stop by on my way home from work some night. I'm still playing catch-up from being busy all Monday.”

“My friend! I am sorry that I never considered such a possibility. Your work ethic is truly commendable. That would be acceptable, more than acceptable. What time period are we discussing?” I clarified it for him. I could hear the smile in his voice as he continued. “I see no issue with that plan. Tonight? Excellent. I believe I should be here at that time. If not, my wife can always give it to you.”

“I'm sure she would,” I mumbled. “Tonight then, weather permitting.”